


Achilles Come Down

by lillyruru



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Comforting Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Songfic, Wingless Castiel (Supernatural), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:22:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27315463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillyruru/pseuds/lillyruru
Summary: Castiel sat on the edge.This fic is inspired by the song Achilles Come Down and contains sensitive topics.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 18





	Achilles Come Down

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece of fanfiction I have ever written, it's been floating around in my head for a while and I finally decided to put it out there. It is inspired by the song Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths, and has a few lines of the song incorporated. It was not beta'd so I apologize for any errors. Please let me know what you think :)
> 
> WARNING this contains sensitive topics

Castiel sat on the edge. The night sky expanded all around him and he could remember when the stars were made. Everything had been young, even God. It was so long ago and he couldn’t bare to remember such a time, it only brought more pain.  
The roof was behind him and the street below. His phone sat on the ledge with him and a bottle of Jack. Dean had called twice and Sam once, he’d ignored both callers. His life and world were weighing on him and he needed a minute. It wasn’t like he explicitly wanted to stop living, but rather he wanted a break. A moment of peace, once he would have gone to Heaven for that peace, but it was no longer an option. So he sat on the edge.  
He hadn’t even touched the liquor, he couldn’t get lost in it like Dean. Dean who was so good and threw himself wholeheartedly into every problem they encountered. Dean who didn’t deserve nearly half of the pain he’d endured. He couldn’t lose himself in the Lore either, not like Sam. Sam who was tainted with the blood of demons and yet still good, who’d wrestled with Lucifer himself and won. Sam who didn’t deserve nearly half of the pain he’d endured.  
These thoughts wouldn’t get him anywhere and he knew that. He also knew that the roof wouldn’t work either. It truly couldn’t do anything to him, only damage his vessel, something he would have to fix before returning to the Bunker. He sighed, the pressure of it all pushing his breath out in a rasp. He thought to himself, be done now Castiel and get off the roof, and off the roof he got.  
The fall was swift, and rather nice. It reminded him of his wings and flying. Something he hadn’t known in too long, and for just a moment Castiel felt light. His vessel hit the pavement with a wet crack and he was immediately filled with regret. Swiftly draining his own Grace, he healed his vessel. He thanked God there were no bystanders and moved in a daze to his car that was still parked where he’d left it on the street.  
He didn’t remember most of the drive, only getting back to the bunker. As he walked to the door, from the garage where he’d parked the car, Dean slammed through the door.  
“What the hell Cass?! I called and you didn’t pick up?” Dean was mad, but behind his anger Castiel could tell he was concerned, “What happened?”  
“I am fine, Dean. I misplaced my phone.” He’d left it on the roof actually.  
“If you're fine, why's your trench coat covered in blood? Are you hurt?” Dean's concern was open now, and he was searching Castiel's face. The angel glanced down before responding.  
“No, I am uninjured. You don’t need to worry about it.” Castiel walked into the bunker past Dean who just spluttered after him.  
“Are you gonna tell me what the hell happened, Cass?” Castiel could feel his eyes staring into the back of his head.  
“No. I am not.” He walked past Sam who was staring at him, “Hello, Sam.”  
“Cass! What happened? You're covered in blood.” Sam was concerned now, wasn’t that lovely, Castiel thought to himself. Dean answered before he got the chance.  
“Don’t bother asking, he won’t say.” Dean was clearly angry now, angry and hurt. Castiel really couldn’t do anything right and this only proved it.  
“I am going to my quarters, we can talk in the morning. You both need sleep, I can feel your deprivation.” Castiel walked away before either of them could say anything else.  
He reached his room locking the door behind himself, despite the brothers safety rules that said no one was allowed to. He sighed with the weight of the world for the second time that night. With tired eyes he scanned the room. His bed laid against the left wall, two standard men of letters night stands on either side. Against the right wall he had a desk and a wardrobe. The desk was the only part of the room that truly appeared lived in. It was scattered with papers and books, and in the right corner was a record player Dean had gifted him. Above the desk he’d put up a picture Sam had given him, it was of the three of them several years ago.  
Castiel was an angel, and therefore didn’t need to sleep, but he did enjoy closing his eyes and resting. Especially when he was tired inside. Like right now. He slipped off Jimmy’s dress shoes and sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. He reflected on what he’d done earlier in the night, if he’d been human, it would have ended much worse. He knew better than to keep these emotions locked up, so he made himself a vow. If in a week he didn’t feel any less helpless and tired he would talk to Dean about it. 

The week passed much quicker than Castiel remembered weeks passing. It probably had to do with the fact that neither brother had let him leave since he returned that night and the three of them had all been stuck in the bunker. He spent most of his time reading, on Sam’s recommendation he had tried the old greek plays. He found if he put himself in a human's shoes he rather enjoyed them.  
Despite this, even his reading couldn’t distract him and he was gripped more often than not by an increasingly familiar exhausted hopelessness. If he didn’t know better he would think it was worse than before. He was fairly certain that couldn't be, he was an angel afterall, and he was meant to be better than these emotions. Nonetheless he’d made himself a promise, and if he couldn’t keep his word with himself then how could he expect others to trust him.  
He wandered into the main room in the late afternoon to find Sam and Dean both at the table. Upon his entrance Sam hopped up.  
“Cass, we found a job in Nevada. A rugaru apparently is all the way out in Carson City.”  
“Alright, do you want me to go with the both of you?” At his question the brothers exchanged a look.  
“Well actually, I’m just gonna go. Dean’s gonna stay and you and him can work on research?” Sam responded with a kind voice but he seemed unsure of what he was saying.  
“Oh, I see. Shouldn’t he be with you though? We don’t need two people on research.”  
“Deans gonna be looking into something else, you’re gonna be helping me with the rugaru. Is that okay with you?” As he asked Sam started packing up the Lore he knew he needed.  
“Yes. That is fine.” Castiel's answer was all Sam needed. Sam nodded and grabbed his books and within 10 minutes him and his duffel were on the road. It was a 20 hour drive after all.  
Castiel and Dean sat in silence for a moment. Castiel was debating on how to start the conversation he needed to have with Dean, but he was beat to it.  
“Alright, what the fuck is going on with you? I haven’t seen you like this since you lost your grace.” Dean was staring at him, his worry was shone on his face.  
“That was something I wanted to speak about actually. I feel rather tired, exhausted really. But it is inside. This is a human experience, and I am unaware of what it means and how it is to be dealt with.” At Castiel's words Dean seemed even more worried than before.  
“What kind of tired, Cass?” Dean was searching his face for some tell.  
“It is one that is beyond sleep. It is rather hopeless. An exhausting hopeless tired.” Castiel let the emotion bleed onto his face. The tiredness aging the angel in ways that didn’t seem possible.  
“What happened last week Castiel?” Dean was silent, like he was holding his breath as he waited for Castiel’s response. Castiel knew that he needed to be honest, that he would be a hypocrite to tell Dean to trust him if he didn’t trust Dean back.  
“I fell from a roof.” He could see the effect his words had on Dean. He was silent and pale and rather than letting his breath out he somehow seemed to have taken an even bigger breath.  
“You… fell from a roof. Why were you on a roof?”  
“I wanted peace and quiet. It reminded me of flying. It made me feel better for just a minute. Like I had my wings back and that I was free again.” Something seemed to break in Dean with those words and he grabbed Castiel surprising the angel. He was pulled against the human man.  
“You are free Castiel. You don’t need Heaven to be free.”  
“I know that, but it is… tiring. Sometimes it feels as though I can never truly belong with you or your brother because I am an angel, but I can not belong with the angels either because I have betrayed them. It is an exhausting feeling, and it always seems to be there.” Dean held the angel tighter at these words.  
“Listen to me Castiel, you belong with me and Sam. Regardless of if you're human or angel, hell you could be a demon. You’d still belong with us, you're our brother. You don’t need those winged dicks, you have us. And I know it’s not the same, but it doesn’t have to be. Because you’re worth more Castiel, since there's no me without you. You understand?” He held the angel at arms length as he finished speaking tears filling his eyes.  
“Yes, I understand, or I am beginning to.” Castiel had his head cocked the right and he still felt like there was a deep internal tiredness, but it was easing around the edges. Dean’s words had eased him to some degree. Had reaffirmed what deep down he knew to be true.  
“You ever feel like you need to… be free, you come to me or Sam, alright? We can help you without anyone falling from rooftops.” Dean hugged him again as Castiel nodded against his shoulder. They both eased into the embrace for a moment, enjoying the peace. Castiel was the first to speak.  
“Thank you, Dean. Your words have done more for me than I think you are aware.” The man gave a huff in return.  
“I hope they have, and I am serious. Any thoughts that raise your own red flags and you come to either of us. You matter too much for us to let you lose yourself.” After a moment of staring at each other Dean rose, “I’m gonna grab some beers, and we can get to the research.”  
Castiel nodded and watched him walk towards the kitchen. He felt eased slightly, he felt like he had a place he could rest now. He was still exhausted but where it had gotten worse it almost seemed better, like he had begun healing. It made him think of something he’d heard Gabriel say eons ago, you will heal and you’ll rise above. Castiel wasn’t sure he’d rise above, but knowing the Winchesters, he was sure he’d heal.


End file.
